Big Girls Do Cry

I'm losing the ones I love, the ones that promised me they'll stay when I need them, the ones that I used to know so much I thought that we were on the same skin, the ones whom once said will never be as far as they are right now. I've always known this kind of day would stick around, that one day when I feel like I'm all alone and I just can't seem to bear anything on my own. like I need attention, and I want everyone to feel sorry for me. I just probably need a gentle pat and a meaningful hug from everyone I know, as their sign of true apology and farewell. but everyone I know here are strangers, how can I feel you when I barely know you as a friend?

everyone's leaving me, one by one, trying to fulfill their dreams by leaving town or just replacing oldies with the newbies. and I'm trapped beneath this gigantic shell, and I can't move. both of my past and future are blocked; I'm stuck. I'm stuck in seeing them as people who tend to hear my stories, people whom I get to laugh and cry around with. but I guess they don't and aren't anymore. I know, this is life, and I should probably get inside my own boat too, but do you ever think of sailing by yourself? Me? I need those people to yell from the nearest lighthouse, telling me which way to go, warning me with the simplest way possible.

I hate adapting. I hate adapting to replace such good memories of them in my head. I love meeting and falling in love with another person, but it feels bad. this is the part that I always hate: changing. the flick, the clock, the tick. the change, the process, and finally, the habit. I spent 5 minutes thinking who am I gonna be next year. what kind of person I am when I get along with new people, or even date newer love. will you see me as the same person that I am today?

as you can tell, I'm on the verge of crying and begging for my friends to stay as sweet as they were and that one special person to not let go of me when I said I wanted a breakup. but life's just life. that one shitty bitch will always give you surprises from all corners of your life, giving you no time for thinking and wasting your life for being an actual loser. people come and go and you have to let them, or else just make way for them to get out. your folks aren't the only one who's going in and out you know, you're doing the same thing to the others too, even I do so. but please excuse me and my wise words, I'm trying to drown myself inside a box full of ice, crying until my eyes explode. because this is the time when I feel so alone, I'm left alone.