'Saranghae'?

"you tell me. when and where did i go wrong? if so, did that thing hurts so much until you stab me in the back? am i no longer your friend? is this what you've been planning since we first met; got what you wanted and leave?"

(image from here)

somehow it's been a very long time ago, but i'm pulling this out again. i always get inspired easily by movies, books, encouragements, experiences, another things, etc. i've just watched a korean movie and somehow it affects me so much. dealing with my old story, i go my eyes swollen by watching it. like 5 or 6 out of 16 episodes made me go nuts. i cried, and i questioned every time i shed a tear. 'why would a person do such a cruel thing to their own friend?' not only anonymous people, even lovers could back stab each other right on their face. i mean, their lovers for God's sake, don't they have something in common? don't they respect each other? don't they love each other? oh yeah, right. love. that's the title for my post today. what the heck is love? i'm not being some sort of a labile person who's trying to come up with an idea of love, but i'm trying to ask righteously. when you feel the vibe for caring -or even deeper-, loving someone, don't you have some kind of a requirement of protecting the ones that you love?

here's the pitch. when that somebody in your life as given you the actual thing that you've been wanting for so long, would you betray that person after that thing snaps out?

some people might have a thousand of reasons of why they're betraying their cared or loved ones. some people said they did it because of the tempting temptation that was very inviting and seducing. so this people said they've done it unconsciously. hmmm. i've been betrayed for so many times in my 16 year old age. and i've only ever thought of a revenge for maybe twice, and i actually got the karma after i did what i've wanted. for like seriously, i'm an outgoing person, i'm actually friendly too. i used to be not caring about how many times that person have put me down and disappoint me, i'd be there for him anytime, as his listener, his best friend, or even as his nobody. i have never enjoy myself swearing things out of people, when they've planned to get rid of me, i'll step out, even though it's actually their fault. i hate to fight for boys, like cmon, don't you have other things to do? if you want him, okay he's all yours. i hate competing with other girls for a boy, for me it's useless. by all this, i've been labeled as an uncaring, selfish, and insecure person. i can easily go driven up by my emotions.. and it's no good. okay stop, how about this.

a person whose name you wrote on your wall, someone who you spent the night talking for hours on the phone with, someone who'd said he/she'd done anything for you just to make you his/hers. amazing huh? you've given them your time, your energy, your money, and you've also lend them your name. but at the end, they turned your back against you. whilst you felt frustrated and you were having hard times dealing with the fact, they'd go out with the new one. unfair, isn't it? and at the end once again, you'll reveal the truth; that they had never feel the same way as you did. girls are very sensitive with our feelings, we often mistaken somebody's true meaning of being kind. contrary, some of us don't even take the actual signals unconsciously. as well as that, i thought we shared the same feelings. proven by the way he treated me, and the way he said 'i love you' although we were only like 13 or 14 at that time.. but it was enough for me. i regretted myself trusting that person so badly, until i've had become the coldest person to boys now. i can say that i'm easy to get along with, but deep inside i have like a very long list to warn myself. i'm not that kid whom i used to be anymore. as i watched that korean movie, i began to think. when will the person get the karma? i mean, will the person (in the end) regret what he did to me back then? but i really do think he never will. he only come to me if he's in need of a listener, or a quick stupid lover. i've reduced his kind of habits by deleting him from my everything, though i know it won't solve the whole thing. i hate having break ups, i hate seeing people saying goodbye, and i don't want myself to experience such another drama in my life. i don't want any of friends getting hurt, just let me be the one who's been there. even though i hate him, i'd never want to see him sad. moreover, i want to see him and other people happy, even though it's not with or because of me.