a part of me (part 1)

Hi there bloggers, I don't know myself what has gotten into me, I suddenly became a writing freak. Maybe those two novels (re: Marmut Merah Jambu and Letters Stories & Dreams) influenced me. Haven't done with both, I ended up reading them alternately. Which I kinda felt lucky, 'cause both of them are slowly teaching me about love lessons. Certain topics and stories fits me in many ways. But now I'm planning to read LSD that Casseybunn wrote first. There, I can find same love experiences, and even same nicknames! That surprised me, though I thought that it was a bit absurd. Both of them (re: MMJ & LSD) are talking about facts, stories about what they've been through, and the ones that have some special and specific impact of the authors. While LSD is talking about her life journal with a little-more-serious-stuff, the first and the second chapter of MMJ is full of laughs. But honestly.. I'm the kind of person that get easily attracted with cute pictures, and... storybook endings. I'll find myself reading the ending before I read the first word of the story. And by reading the end of the story, the curiosity in my mind will urge myself to read more and more until I reach the finish line. Well, that's me.

But now, I'm going to share a little story of mine (I believe I'm going to write another post after I finish another chapter). Again, seriously, I was really surprised to see several same love stories inside LSD compared to mine. I had almost the same experiences, I swear. Though I didn't write any letters to my ex back then, but he was too cool and cold (yet stupid) to know that I liked him. Until, finally I decided to move on. But things slowly changed, and on one day, he finally asked me out. I was.. overjoyed, too happy.. indescribable... and yeah. We were couples for a year and a few months. I don't remember how long exactly we were dating, well, I don't want to. It's a bittersweet memory of mine, so let it be ;)
But I got different story for the ending, it's way more complicated. And the thing Casseybunn wrote.. (as I read through the paragraph, it was said by her mother)

"Cinta adalah ketika kamu bisa membuat orang yang kamu cintai itu menjadi lebih baik."

I did think the same, I loved that person so much I wouldn't let anything happen. But I saw many things, I learned a few things, I had 'serious' conversations with my mom, and I asked her for more and more advices. One sentence that keeps my spirit up was this:

"Cinta itu gak bisa dipaksa kak, mau kamu secinta apapun sama dia, kalo emang dia udah seneng hidup sendiri atau sama orang lain, yaa kamu harus relain, kan kamu sayang sama dia, kamu mau dia bahagia."

By then, I let him go, I set him free. As far as I can remember, I'm still holding on to those words until now, and I've promised myself not to fall in love, ever again. Well at least not now, not when I'm enjoying my life as a teenager. So what's with my boyfriend now? I really really am admiring him, I love him (as in, he's a big crush of mine). Not more than that feeling I've ever gotten several years ago.

Hahaha! That story was... unbelievable, stupid, harsh, fun, cruel, and adventurous. But that's one of my love experiences, I learned sooo many things from it, from him. I never ever thought I'd fell for a boy like that, it was quite funny to remember, I swear. Think I'm growing better, growing up to be someone better. And this quote fits me the best:

"Once you get your heart broken, you gain this strength you can't explain. It's like you're preparing yourself for the next time it breaks." -Cassandra Niki.

Now, I'm going to finish my reading, see you guys in my next posts!