Please, stop.

have you ever swore things out of your family? have you ever wished to be born in another family? have you ever feel mortified because of your parents' attendance to school? have you ever wanted time travel faster than ever just to go to college and live by your own, moving out from your house?

well, I HAVE.

when i was 9, i wore my auntie's blouses and heels just to look older, well i literally wished i could be older in no time, i couldn't wait to be in high school and have my own driving license and car as well. the fact is, i'm sitting here as a soon-to-be 17 year old girl, and i'm not happy with it. aside of being all legally happy, i'm upset with the fact that i'm getting older and i'll have to leave home soon. upset to face the time when i have to leave on my own, somewhere outside the country, without anyone to talk to. without my chubby little brothers to tease on, without my mom's scrambling voice, without my dad's nonstop warnings, and without the warmth from them.

i really can't imagine how it feels like to be sick and alone, without my mom and dad there to take me to the doctor. i can't imagine how it feels like to not hear my dad's footsteps at night when he gets home late, i can't imagine how it feels like to not feel those feelings anymore. i want time to stop right here, i don't want it to go any further, i hate realizing the fact that what i have now somehow, someday, is gonna be gone. and i'm feeling like i'm not mature enough to handle things on my own. true, i've learnt things, but that doesn't make me as life guru, i will always be needing my parents, won't i? although someday when i'm married i'll live with my husband, that also doesn't take my parents out of my stage.

at first, yes i would die to be in other people's family, to live inside their absolute happy stories, they seemed to be very perfect, so theirs are like, TO DIE FOR. but once i've known there is also 'something' behind their perfect whatever, i realized, that mine's might be better. i really should BE grateful for them for making me as the person i am today. my dad... i thought other dads do the same thing as what he does every morning. he takes me to school and while he's driving and i sit right next to him, we often have those talks. talks about technologies, schools, rules, my school grades, even about my daily schedule and my boyfriend. i love those talks you know. like, he's been literally opening my mind and my eyes to think out of the box, to see from other people's dimensions. my mom... she's the greatest mood booster and the greatest listener, ever. we often do the chats, do the gossips, even we do them both when we shop together. mom doesn't really know me as well as my dad. but sometimes, when i talk about guys and my problems, she knows the hell out of me. i second every thing she had said to me and it works out so damn good. and she has that magic instinct to tell which boy is right and which is wrong (but she always wins. i don't know if other moms do this too, but... it's cool isn't it?).

you see, from all of their good things, they have their worst moments too you know. i hate it when dad comes home late with all his working minds still on, and he has that bomb to crash every single of our happy time. mom... ugh. she has the worst mood of a woman who's still having pms. she makes the best annoyance out of people, and she always has the best excuses and reasons to blame people (re: every one inside the house). but from all the shits my parents make, from all the reasons they love and yet still yell at me at the same time, from all of the problems above, i still love them, for whoever they are. and i really don' t want to be separated from them, and i just.... want the time to stop right here. now.