Partners or 'Partners'?

people make mistakes don't they? so i'm literally not the only one who does such stupid yet confusing things. it's nothing, really. i'm just a little bit fucked up and screwed up, i just need to write to take some shit outta my mind. i'm sorry i've been abandoning this blog, i was just very busy with my mid term tests, i had to prepare all the things i needed. i'm confident enough with the results though, so far i've only gotten 1 remedial, for the physics of course. i think only the wiz kids at my school could make it through the tests. sometimes i just want to sit back, relax, and write. why in the world should i learn about physics if i'm planning to be a journalist someday? but i'd prefer getting into science rather than social class though... so. let's just prove everything away, shall we?

if only i have the guts to speak to someone about how i actually felt tonight, i wouldn't think that this september's going to suck till the very end. but it's too late. i've swallowed it all by myself. though my closest partners already asked and begged me to tell what the hell was actually going on, but i just didn't feel like talking. i know they wouldn't understand, even worse, we'll end up having issues. see, this blog is somehow a part of my life's journey, when i'm about to fall and everything, i write here to get a hand to help me from falling over the cliff. but i guess i couldn't have it tonight, it's just not my day and i can't get any grips. my birthday is less than 5 days, what more should i expect? every thing's falling apart you know. and i'm feeling like i should've died. like go die and just reincarnate when i'm about to regret that dying part. sounds very emo huh? or just pause and fast-forward times when you want to skip some humiliating stuff...

from the thought and position i had today, i could see who are the actual friends of mine. and it sucked. friends are those who stick with you through whatever. through ups and downs, trembling stuffs, happy stuffs, all of them. but what about you have this person who's been VERY caring and very secure and (you can say any positive things you'd want from a guy) well err.. but he doesn't have that look you'd all expect... you know him for what? let's say a long time. you know how he actually feels for you, but it's just.... impossible. i don't know. many people would say, nothing's impossible, but, i really do feel that we're not going to make it. i fantasize me being the bad guy on that show (if you guys know what i mean..) so. we're not gonna make it. right. but what about he stands for you through whatever too? how about he truly is faithful to you? he can dazzles you by the way he cares for you and everything, but that doesn't make any sense. what are you going to do for that kind of guy? let him wait and sticks with you? or... just go talk him honestly that it's not going to work? and tell him to move on to find somebody even worthier to get?

P.S: i've had the answer in mind, love. but i just can't tell it upfront.